Sorry... I Guess...

Sooooooo Hey There!

I know it has been many, many months, but I have no reason as to why I stopped writing. I guess it just phased out, and I thought no one really reads what I'm writing about so why even bother. But then I realised I wasn't writing this blog for other people, I was writing it for myself. I needed to get thoughts and things out into the open. Thoughts and feelings were started to suffocate me, but I didn't realise this until my recent holiday (there will definitely be a separate blog post about it because it was just incredible). Getting away from everything and being able to escape was nice, but it allowed me to evaluate what I needed to do in my life, and that involved this blog. So here I am. Once again, trying to get this blog post started. And I'm waffling. As always. So enough. Let's just see what's been going on.

So I last blogged back in March, and I'm not gonna lie, I can't exactly remember everything that has gone on since then haha. I mean, I went on a long LONG train journey to Hull for my friend's birthday and that was super fun because it felt like I was going to a 'real' university. Oooooo and I also saw Marnie from Geordie Shore in Kings Cross Station so that was fun!

I also managed to finish my first year of university!! WOOOOOOO!! And I passed!! WOOOOOOO!! I have absolutely no idea how I did it. But I am super super proud of myself. Going to uni on that first day seems like such a distant memory, and being that super shy scared young girl also seems like a distant memory. That doesn't now mean I'm now like a super loud and confident person, nooooo wayyyyy, but I know I can go into situations now where I don't know anyone and get to know people. Just one more woo because why not!! WOOOOOOOOO!!

After that amazing high of finishing uni, I guess my friendship group hit an all time low. On a trip to Reading to visit another friend, I guess we can say one of my friends had one to many drinks and became unable to control. I have never seen or heard anything like it in my life! I didn't know whether to be heartbroken because she was crying so much, or angry because she ruined the night, or upset because of the stuff coming out of her mouth. I guess after the whole night (where I think I heard about 2 songs in the club and the rest from the toilet floor), I realised I was upset. The things she was saying really hurt me and are pretty much engraved in my brain now. It didn't help that this friend couldn't remember anything that had happened the night before, so hearing an apology just felt pointless. This friend then didn't really talk to the rest of the friendship group after that. She knew we were pissed, but thought the best way to handle that situation was to leave it alone. This was definitely the wrong choice to make because the more you leave it, the more it looks like you don't care. After about 2 weeks the paranoia was killing me inside, so I arranged to meet with this friend so we could talk the situation through. I have no idea if it really helped. I guess it sort of did, but I don't think I'll be forgetting anything that happened anytime soon. This friend has been away for the past couple of weeks and not much of the situation between the rest of the group has been sorted face to face, so I guess eventually that will be an interesting meeting. 

After that whole curfuffle (what a weird word to try and spell!), I went away to Southampton to visit another friend at university for her birthday and OMG it was just an amazing time! Being able to just have chill time with my friends is something I have missed soooo much while they have been away and now summer is happening it is all I'm going to be doing and I'm buzzing!!

One of the best things in my whole entire lifetime has happened, I GOT TO SEE BUSTED IN CONCERT. Oh my God I have never been so excited in my life!! It is something I thought would never happen and I was devastated when they broke up. Hearing about the concert sitting in one of my lectures freaked me out, and then hearing I got tickets made me cry. Sitting in the O2 waiting for them to come on stage was unreal, and then hearing Charlie's voice just made it all hit home, and at that moment my life was made. It was probably the best concert I have ever been to, and it will have to take something amazing to top it!

So I guess the most recent thing to happen is my holiday. I just got back from Greece, and I forgot how much I love being in a different country. Being able to lie around the pool and do nothing it just so appealing, but it's not just that. I know running away from your problems is not always the best solution, but escaping for a little while was definitely what the doctor ordered. I also forgot how much the sea calms me, but all this holiday talk is something that you will find out later. 

So over these past couple of months many different things have happened. There have been many many highs, but then extremely low points. But as I said at the beginning, I need to just talk about it (or type I guess). This has been useful. It's been fun remembering what has happened, and thinking back to the memories that have been made. Now, back to normal blogging things! You've heard enough about my life now, I guess a good break is needed.

Speak to you soon

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

p.s. I also had my birthday in this time soooo wooooo!!! Being 19 and the last of my teenage years makes me sad, but lets not brew on that for too long!!

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The Art of Loneliness...

Hey There!

So how is everyone doing?? I've been thinking about doing this blog post for a while now, but I guess it as just something I never actually wanted to complete. But now I'm here, writing this post, and hopefully some people will be able to relate. 

So when I started university in September, I knew it was going to be a struggle for me. I'm not a very outgoing person, I get nervous talking to new people, so going to a place where I knew absolutely no-one seemed like one of the scariest things in the world. Looking back on it now, I don't really know what I had to worry about. Everyone there was in the same boat, and we are all just stumbling through university. I've realised you need social support. You need people that you can moan to, and go out for lunch with, and just be plain stupid with. And if I'm being honest, I have very few of these people. I mean, I have one person. 

All but one of my friends moved away for university, but this last friend works most days now so it's hard to see her. As a group, we haven't necessarily lost contact, but we don't talk as much as we used to. When we are all around we have a really good time, and we do all really miss each other, but I can see now we all have our own separate lives. I miss this contact. Being so far away from everyone at uni, and living just with my parents, they are mostly the only people I talk to now. I miss the friendships I used to have. When people just lived around the corner and I can go and see them whenever. But now, I spend a lot of my time with my own thoughts. 

Spending time thinking to myself is not good for me. I went through a tough time a couple of years ago, and last year was tough again. I don't want to burden other people will my problems, so I keep them to myself a lot. I know this isn't a good thing to do. But until the summer, when all my friends come home, it will have to do. I'm not going to tell them my problems, I can push them aside for a couple of months and forget about them. It's not exactly a long-term solution but it gets me through day-to-day. Don't get me wrong, I am a loner. I like spending time on my own and listening to music and watching TV. But I miss being able to go for coffee with friends and actually go out, because that isn't fun to do on my own. 

I don't really know why I wrote all this to be honest. I have no idea how much sense any of this made, I just needed to get it off my chest. This is a sort of therapy for me and a way of accepting who I am. And I know that now. I need to use this blog more often. I need to get my thoughts across no matter how small or stupid. I need to just get them out there so I don't self destruct. 

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

Book Review: Gone Series by Michael Grant

Hi There!

'Welcome to the FAYZ. Wherever, whenever or whyever that is.'

I may be late on the bandwagon reviewing this series of books, but believe me when I say I had the first Gone book just after it came out, and since then got them on their release dates, but I've only now got round to finishing reading Light (the final book). I have no idea why it took me so long to read it, but I'm so so SO glad I finally got round to finishing the whole series! I would rate the whole series of books as 4.5/5 for sure! It would have been a 5, but I have my reasons. 

So getting on to a summary of what these books are about. Well. Where do I even start. In simple terms, everyone above the age of 15 disappears (poofs!) under a dome, so there are only kids left. Some of them have developed powers, others have stayed normal. These kids have to deal with struggles of power, food, and mutated animals. And it is definitely a true struggle!!

I loved in these books how action packed each turn of a page is. These are just normal kids whose lives have been turned upside down, and seeing how they deal with this great change of events is extremely interesting. Of course, I couldn't love this book unless there was a hint of romance. And of course there is! (Sastrid all the way!!!!). 

The one problem I found through this whole series of books is that it is sometimes very hard to keep up and picture everything that is being described in the books. For the first couple I was able to manage, but then I started to get more confused and these books became much more complex than I ever imagined!! That was the main reason why I couldn't give it 5/5! Hopefully a TV show might help me imagine these things ;)

So who would I recommend this book to? Well, it's aimed at young adults, but I would say fully grown adults will love this book as well! It will help them understand the struggles of the younger generation as they are also focused on in these books, but it will also explain that given their independence there are some younger children that can step up to the mark. You also obviously have to have a sort of sci-fi/fantasy mind as well because otherwise you would definitely get confused with this book. No doubt about it!!

If I could, I think I'd have the power to think of an item and then have it appear in front of me. What kind of power would you like if you could??

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

We Are All Terminal...

Hi There!

So I think you can guess from the title of this blog post, it's going to go deep. So be prepared...

Over the past week and a bit, we have lost a number of well-loved celebrities, including well loved Professor Snape (Alan Rickman) from the Harry Potter series. The deaths that have happened have really saddened me, but they have also opened my eyes to something. The concept of everyone being terminal. 

In this sense, I mean we all have a limited number of days on this earth. I believe as soon as we are born, a countdown has started and we have a limited number of years, days, hours, and minutes to make our mark on the world. Even if we don't want to accept it, we are all going to leave this place at some moment in time. It can be expected, or it may come as a shock, but we aren't going to stay around forever. 

I guess what I'm saying is, we have to make our impact on the world, no matter how small or large, at every given opportunity we have. We all have a countdown for how long we have here, and we need to make the most of it. If you want to go travelling, go travelling. If you want to sky dive, sky dive. If you want to make a life saving drug, make a life saving drug. 

Because we are all terminal, with an illness called life. 

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

Clubbing Life...

Hi There!

How's everyone been??? See, I am starting to blog more!! Third week in a row! (Let's see how long this lasts aha).

If you follow me twitter (@girlwithnoplan go check it out!) you'll realise I've been posting stuff about going clubbing recently and how I'm not a huge fan. So let me give you a couple of reasons...

As soon as I turned 18, I thought "Yes! I'm finally old enough to go into nightclubs, buy alcohol etc", but this was a short lived happiness. I did go clubbing, don't get me wrong, but it's not all its hyped up to be. I'm not a massive drinker, so many people think I don't like clubbing because I don't let to get drunk. But that's not the reason, but people around me getting completely smashed does piss me off! 

Being in a space so cramped all you can do is sidestep and constantly hit people in the face is not exactly something I'd find enjoyable. Not just that, there's always creeps around that always think they can have a feel and it's like "see ya later, I'm not up for that". There's just something about it all that builds up the anxiety and makes it an unenjoyable  experience. 

Does anyone have any tips on how I can maybe enjoy clubbing? My friends love going out and I don't really want to let them down by never going, but I really need to find a way to reduce the anxiety about clubbing. 

So please help!!!

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

End of a Chapter, Start of a New Book

Hi There!

So 2015 has ended and it has been such a mix of emotions for a year. There have been moments this year when I have been so elated I don't think I could be any happier, and then moments this year when I have felt so defeated I had no idea how things could improve. 

There have been so many things this year that I have been happy for. I guess the main thing that has happened is that I made it into university. Surviving 7 years at the same secondary school some people would think of as torture, for me though, it was where I have made the most memories. I met people there that will hopefully stay in my life, and heck, hopefully people I will never have to see again! Getting past GCSE's, AS Levels, and then finally A Levels with good enough grades that I got into the university I wanted made me feel on top of the World! It gave me that bit of confidence that I can do something! 

Also this year I went on my first ever girls' holiday to Ibiza, and again, this was one of the best experiences ever. As a group of friends, we know each other so well, we are able to just get along for a week, in a heatwave, by the pool, and with cocktails. Having the freedom to do what we wanted, when we wanted, was amazing. Ibiza is a beautiful island as well! It is definitely somewhere I want to return to, be that to party or sight see ;)

I guess this was also the year however my life turned upside-down. Everything was so rushed and happened all at once, our family was hit head on. As a family, we lost the most important member to us, and 4 months on, I'm still trying to pull myself together. I lost a best friend, someone who I would phone most days for a gossip and share secrets. Someone who helped raise me. I have never felt so heartbroken in all my life. But I can hear her speaking to me. It might sound crazy, but if you are as close as a family as mine is, you are definitely know how people will react and what they would say in certain situations. That's what keeps me going. Every time I find myself getting upset, I know full well she'll be saying "Come on now, no more tears. Have a drink on me and have fun. But more importantly, GET YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND!" It may sound silly, but that is what keeps me going. 

I've decided though instead of the whole, 'the start of a new year is a new chapter', I don't want 2016 to be a new chapter. I want it to be a completely different book. It seems like from this point on, I want to start achieving dreams and improving as a person. I guess that's what everyone says as a New Years resolution, but it is something I need to do. These past 18 years of my life have been amazing, but they are going to be completely different from this point onwards. University means meeting new people, my family has a hole in it, and I need to embrace this.

Life is never going to be the same year to year. Some years are going to be amazing, and others awful, but these things happen. You shouldn't let life keep you down because the thing is, the number of days we have on this Earth is already determined. We never know how long we have left, a day, week, month, year, but we do know life can change in a second. You can't always be prepared for it, but I guess that makes it exciting. 

So here's to a new year, and a new book!

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo