The Art of Loneliness...

Hey There!

So how is everyone doing?? I've been thinking about doing this blog post for a while now, but I guess it as just something I never actually wanted to complete. But now I'm here, writing this post, and hopefully some people will be able to relate. 

So when I started university in September, I knew it was going to be a struggle for me. I'm not a very outgoing person, I get nervous talking to new people, so going to a place where I knew absolutely no-one seemed like one of the scariest things in the world. Looking back on it now, I don't really know what I had to worry about. Everyone there was in the same boat, and we are all just stumbling through university. I've realised you need social support. You need people that you can moan to, and go out for lunch with, and just be plain stupid with. And if I'm being honest, I have very few of these people. I mean, I have one person. 

All but one of my friends moved away for university, but this last friend works most days now so it's hard to see her. As a group, we haven't necessarily lost contact, but we don't talk as much as we used to. When we are all around we have a really good time, and we do all really miss each other, but I can see now we all have our own separate lives. I miss this contact. Being so far away from everyone at uni, and living just with my parents, they are mostly the only people I talk to now. I miss the friendships I used to have. When people just lived around the corner and I can go and see them whenever. But now, I spend a lot of my time with my own thoughts. 

Spending time thinking to myself is not good for me. I went through a tough time a couple of years ago, and last year was tough again. I don't want to burden other people will my problems, so I keep them to myself a lot. I know this isn't a good thing to do. But until the summer, when all my friends come home, it will have to do. I'm not going to tell them my problems, I can push them aside for a couple of months and forget about them. It's not exactly a long-term solution but it gets me through day-to-day. Don't get me wrong, I am a loner. I like spending time on my own and listening to music and watching TV. But I miss being able to go for coffee with friends and actually go out, because that isn't fun to do on my own. 

I don't really know why I wrote all this to be honest. I have no idea how much sense any of this made, I just needed to get it off my chest. This is a sort of therapy for me and a way of accepting who I am. And I know that now. I need to use this blog more often. I need to get my thoughts across no matter how small or stupid. I need to just get them out there so I don't self destruct. 

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

End of a Chapter, Start of a New Book

Hi There!

So 2015 has ended and it has been such a mix of emotions for a year. There have been moments this year when I have been so elated I don't think I could be any happier, and then moments this year when I have felt so defeated I had no idea how things could improve. 

There have been so many things this year that I have been happy for. I guess the main thing that has happened is that I made it into university. Surviving 7 years at the same secondary school some people would think of as torture, for me though, it was where I have made the most memories. I met people there that will hopefully stay in my life, and heck, hopefully people I will never have to see again! Getting past GCSE's, AS Levels, and then finally A Levels with good enough grades that I got into the university I wanted made me feel on top of the World! It gave me that bit of confidence that I can do something! 

Also this year I went on my first ever girls' holiday to Ibiza, and again, this was one of the best experiences ever. As a group of friends, we know each other so well, we are able to just get along for a week, in a heatwave, by the pool, and with cocktails. Having the freedom to do what we wanted, when we wanted, was amazing. Ibiza is a beautiful island as well! It is definitely somewhere I want to return to, be that to party or sight see ;)

I guess this was also the year however my life turned upside-down. Everything was so rushed and happened all at once, our family was hit head on. As a family, we lost the most important member to us, and 4 months on, I'm still trying to pull myself together. I lost a best friend, someone who I would phone most days for a gossip and share secrets. Someone who helped raise me. I have never felt so heartbroken in all my life. But I can hear her speaking to me. It might sound crazy, but if you are as close as a family as mine is, you are definitely know how people will react and what they would say in certain situations. That's what keeps me going. Every time I find myself getting upset, I know full well she'll be saying "Come on now, no more tears. Have a drink on me and have fun. But more importantly, GET YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND!" It may sound silly, but that is what keeps me going. 

I've decided though instead of the whole, 'the start of a new year is a new chapter', I don't want 2016 to be a new chapter. I want it to be a completely different book. It seems like from this point on, I want to start achieving dreams and improving as a person. I guess that's what everyone says as a New Years resolution, but it is something I need to do. These past 18 years of my life have been amazing, but they are going to be completely different from this point onwards. University means meeting new people, my family has a hole in it, and I need to embrace this.

Life is never going to be the same year to year. Some years are going to be amazing, and others awful, but these things happen. You shouldn't let life keep you down because the thing is, the number of days we have on this Earth is already determined. We never know how long we have left, a day, week, month, year, but we do know life can change in a second. You can't always be prepared for it, but I guess that makes it exciting. 

So here's to a new year, and a new book!

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

My Extremely Long Catchup...

Hi There!

So I know, I know, it has been an extremely long time since I have posted, but I am still actually running this blog. It has been 43 days since I have posted, and this is definitely way WAY too long!! There isn't really an excuse other than the fact I actually haven't been bothered and I do just want to relax. I have realised however that I do actually have to do things with my days, so now I am going to start blogging. So no more excuses, it's time for a catch up!

The first thing that has happened since that last post is that obviously all of my exams have finished. They were some of the worst exams I have ever had to sit, and along the way, it has made me debate about what university I am actually going to be able to get into. There were tears, there were tantrums, and eventually the burning of absolutely everything. Looking at all of my revision burning away was surprisingly satisfying, and I realised there is nothing I can do about it now, so I might as well attempt to forget about it all till results day. 

Only 1 day after my exams finished I had my leavers prom which was really fun because I go to hang around with all my mates and there was drinking and a photo booth. There unfortunately wasn't enough drinking done by me because me and my friends were off on a flight the next day to Ibiza!

So Ibiza was the next big step, or maybe leap. This was my first holiday abroad without my parents and let me tell you, it was absolutely amazing. The 5 of us were staying in an all inclusive hotel in Cala Llonga, and it was by far one of the most beautiful places. We spent so much time just relaxing by the pool, eating food, drinking slush puppies, and maybe one night we went clubbing. We aren't the clubbing type, so just relaxing and playing drinking games is our idea of fun. There was so much freedom and we could do whatever, I definitely want to go back on holiday with them again. It brought us so much closer together. How about I now make you extremely jealous and show you some pictures of where we stayed...

So after we got back from Ibiza, there was only 1 day to relax until it was our Leavers Dinner, and I have to admit, that wasn't actually as emotional as I thought. It was a lovely evening eating food, hanging out with the year, and ending up in the pub. It was definitely a good send off and a nice goodbye to the school. 

The week after I got to go and see A League of their Own being filmed, which stars James Corden, Jack Whitehall, Freddie Flintoff, and Jamie Rednapp. I love the programme so much and watching it being filmed makes it so much more fun. There was a hell of a queue though to get in but it was definitely worth the wait!!!

A couple of weeks after that I got to see Ed Sheeran at Wembley and OMG it was one of the best things that I have ever witnessed. Ed Sheeran is just a beautiful man playing beautiful music. There is just something about him that makes me feel calm and safe, there is no way to describe it. The way he is able to just have a guitar with him on stage and then have 80,000 people sing back to him just amazes me. Why don't you look at a couple of photos from that as well...

And since that I have been doing my own thing. I mean, mostly I have just been lazing around watching TV, but I am planning to make some interesting memories and go on some amazing adventures. 

I guess for now I will leave you with this and let you get back to your life. I will be posting over the summer, and hopefully it will be stuff you find interesting. Anyway, lots of love,

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans 

xoxo