The Art of Loneliness...

Hey There!

So how is everyone doing?? I've been thinking about doing this blog post for a while now, but I guess it as just something I never actually wanted to complete. But now I'm here, writing this post, and hopefully some people will be able to relate. 

So when I started university in September, I knew it was going to be a struggle for me. I'm not a very outgoing person, I get nervous talking to new people, so going to a place where I knew absolutely no-one seemed like one of the scariest things in the world. Looking back on it now, I don't really know what I had to worry about. Everyone there was in the same boat, and we are all just stumbling through university. I've realised you need social support. You need people that you can moan to, and go out for lunch with, and just be plain stupid with. And if I'm being honest, I have very few of these people. I mean, I have one person. 

All but one of my friends moved away for university, but this last friend works most days now so it's hard to see her. As a group, we haven't necessarily lost contact, but we don't talk as much as we used to. When we are all around we have a really good time, and we do all really miss each other, but I can see now we all have our own separate lives. I miss this contact. Being so far away from everyone at uni, and living just with my parents, they are mostly the only people I talk to now. I miss the friendships I used to have. When people just lived around the corner and I can go and see them whenever. But now, I spend a lot of my time with my own thoughts. 

Spending time thinking to myself is not good for me. I went through a tough time a couple of years ago, and last year was tough again. I don't want to burden other people will my problems, so I keep them to myself a lot. I know this isn't a good thing to do. But until the summer, when all my friends come home, it will have to do. I'm not going to tell them my problems, I can push them aside for a couple of months and forget about them. It's not exactly a long-term solution but it gets me through day-to-day. Don't get me wrong, I am a loner. I like spending time on my own and listening to music and watching TV. But I miss being able to go for coffee with friends and actually go out, because that isn't fun to do on my own. 

I don't really know why I wrote all this to be honest. I have no idea how much sense any of this made, I just needed to get it off my chest. This is a sort of therapy for me and a way of accepting who I am. And I know that now. I need to use this blog more often. I need to get my thoughts across no matter how small or stupid. I need to just get them out there so I don't self destruct. 

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

That Exam Life...

Hi There!

I hope everyone's exams are going extremely well!! If it's GCSE's you're probably already half way through or if it's AS' you've finished, or if it's A2's like me, well you're just getting started!!! I don't know about the rest of you, but it definitely seems like exam boards this year are trying to kill us. As far as I know, there hasn't been a decent exam at all so far! Do they not understand that these exams are impacting our futures!! It's like they are setting us up to fail! I can't be the only one that thinks this!!!! Even if these exams are pretty crappy, life still goes on.

So far this exam season, I have probably spent more time thinking about the summer and all my plans than I have actually revising, but I guess you need something to aim towards to get you through it. One thing that has however helped me through these exams, other than daydreaming, is the fact that all of my friends are sticking together. We have been helping each other through breakdowns, motivation, and when we just need a smile. We haven't seen each other a lot, but just sending a text or a funny picture really cheers us up! It's definitely something we all need to get through these exams. 

Other than exams, I have a holiday coming up in 2 weeks! Like OMG how is that even possible. How am I allowed to travel out of the country with my group of friends without supervision! That's just mental. This has therefore meant that a lot of my free time has been spent online shopping and I have discovered I have some weird obsessions. I mean, I'm going for 7 days, so I'm guessing 6 pairs of sunglasses and 5 pairs of shorts should be enough haha. I really need to try and get that under control. At the moment, thinking about lying in the sun and doing nothing for a whole week is what is getting me though my exams!! Get me to the sun!!!

I know this may seem like a pretty pointless blog post, but sometimes it's nice to just talk about pointless stuff. Sometimes people might actually listen and be interested. For anyone that reads this, STAY FUN! When it comes to exams, they can be pretty crappy, but look at what comes after the exams. Weeks and weeks of doing absolutely what YOU want to do and not what other people. Well as for me, I actually have plans for the summer, but for now, 

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo

Becoming an Adult

Hey There!

I can now officially say that I am 18. THAT MEANS I'M OFFICIALLY AN ADULT!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! It has been an incredible 18 years, I've made so many friends, made so many memories, I cannot wait to see what the next 18 years of my life bring!

I have to say, I have been milking my birthday, like I am probably going to be celebrating it every day for the next month. The celebrations however started last weekend, when I went out for a meal with my family. I have an extremely small family (like there are literally about 14 of us!!!) and a majority of them came out for this meal. It was amazing to have the family all together because it is impossible for us all to meet as we are always so busy. It was nice though because as a family we are so relaxed and we can have a good laugh. The food was lovely as well so that made me really happy as well :) Even though I was 17 at the time, my nan still insisted that she buy me my first 'legal' drink as an adult (because obviously it's legal now) and I had myself a lovely vodka and coke. I did drink it extremely quickly though so it went to my head straight away haha. Overall though it was a really good day and I loved it. 

Then on Sunday, I went up London with my friends and we went to go and see the Lion King in the theatre. Let me just get it out there, it was INCREDIBLE. There is no other word I can use to describe it. Within the first 20 seconds of them singing the Circle of Life I was already nearly in tears. It was so moving and the way everyone was dressed as animals just made it so good!! If you haven't seen it, there aren't enough words I can use to try and persuade you to go, it won't disappoint (I pinky swear). Another highlight was that again, even though I wasn't 18, I still managed to get my alcohol and got another vodka and coke, while my friends got cocktails (I'm not an alcoholic by the way, but if the opportunity is there I will be having that vodka!!!) At some point I will actually buy a drink legally haha. After that we went out for a nice meal and we hung around London for a while going to all the sites and taking lots of pictures. It will definitely be a day that I remember. 

And then finally, yesterday, when it actually was my birthday, even though I was in school, I got to spend a lot of time with my friends (even if they did make it awkward for me by getting me balloons and a massive Millie's cookie!!). I just love spending time with them, we are always laughing or having fun, it's amazing. And when I finally made it home I had a lovely curry with my parents while having a nice relaxing day. They gave me amazing presents which I am extremely thankful for, and it has definitely been a good birthday!

Overall, becoming an adult has been a good experience. I finally got to vote, I can buy alcohol legally, and I can finally go and see Fifty Shades of Grey!! I have to say though, as great as it feels to be an adult, I don't want to grow up. I love being called a kid, where people can treat you to things and do things for you. Now I'm older, I have to try and become more independent. That will definitely be a challenge. It has always been me, my mum and my dad, so now becoming independent means I can't rely on them to do everything for me. But oh well, these things happen.One day everyone becomes an adult and it's an exciting experience I have to say. I hope all your birthdays are as good as mine!!!

Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans

xoxo