Hi There!
Now I don't mean for this post to go to deep, but it probably will. For me, it will also probably be emotional, but for you it probably won't. You never know, this might actually relate to you.
School, Sixth Form, it's all coming to an end. From today, I only have 21 days left at my Sixth Form. I will be going back for exams, but there will officially be no more lessons. The thought of even writing that down actually really makes me sad. Many people are so glad to leave and move on from school, but me, not so much. The school that I'm at, I've been there for 7 years! I've grown up there! And I can't believe I am leaving. Now I'm not saying that my years there have been easy because believe me, there have definitely been a lot of up and down moments, but there have also been a lot of good memories made. I have met some of the best people in my life there, and the fact that soon I'm not going to see them everyday devastates me.
I went into my secondary school with a solid group of friends. We had been friends for a while, and we were mostly sorted into the same form. I have to admit, I probably spent the last week of that summer holiday crying because I didn't want to change schools and I wanted everything to stay the same. But after the first week, secondary school seemed like the best thing in the world. I got to spend so much more time with my friends as the days were longer and we got to spend more time together between lessons. I felt like I knew everything about them! And then as the years went by, this friendship grew and grew, and I felt as a group we would never be separated. We managed to survive so many years without a proper argument it was amazing. GCSE's came around and we were all stressed out. But you know what got me through them, these friends. We managed to somehow keep each of us calm, and we somehow laughed our way through our GCSE's. I think you need this solid group of friends. If you aren't the most sociable one, find someone who is just as awkward as you and try and start a conversation with them. Normally they are the most interesting people :)
But then that was the end of it. The friendship, failed. There was no big argument, no massive fallout, not a lot of gossip, but as a group, we wanted different things. Some people wanted to have more a laugh, start living a life, do unplanned things. While others wanted to knuckle down and focus on school and work and the future. Our group split. This was one of the lowest points. I felt like I shared so much with this group, and I shared so many personal things with them, and it pretty much means nothing now. Honestly, I felt I wouldn't be able to adjust to sixth form. We all ended up going to the same sixth form, but we didn't talk. And for 2 years, we still haven't. In a way I don't really mind because I now have a new group of friends, but spending so many years with the same people and just about managing to say 'Hello!' to them when you see them in the corridor is hard.
Even though this happened, as I have said, it has happened for a reason. That reason is I have now formed the closest bond with my friendship group now, we are inseparable. My group of friends now, we all have the same goal. We want to live every day as children. We don't want to grow up and act like adults. We want to be able to act stupid, and have a laugh, and not care what everyone else thinks. And that is exactly what we do. I don't think I have ever laughed so much than I have over the past 2 years. And that is why it breaks my heart that by September, we are all going our separate ways. We are all going across the country, spreading ourselves around for uni (but not me because honestly, how would my parents survive without me!!). I don't want to not see my friends everyday. Some people in that group I have been friends with since I was 4, and being separated for months on end, that just seems like hell. They've seen the best and worst of me. Others haven't seen that, I don't think I want anyone else to.
But I guess that's what happens. We are still all going to be a friendship group. No matter what the distance, we are still the same people, and we will still have this close bond that we probably won't be able to make with anyone else. Personally, I don't really want to close this chapter and start a new one. I like where I'm at now, I'm comfortable. But I guess comfortable isn't good, it's safe. University is a new chapter, and it will be just as good as the old one. It will be completely different and unexpected, but that's what makes it interesting. I have no idea how the next 3 years of my life are going to plan out, but hey, I don't know what the next couple of days are going to bring. But I know what I want to do. I want to make sure that I live everyday like it's my last, and make sure that I am making memories everyday. I'm not going to be 17 for long (18 in a couple of days!) I will officially be an adult. But that doesn't mean that I have to act like one, and neither do you. People need to live a little.
That wasn't as deep as I thought! That could have gone a heck of a lot worse. There are so many more things that I want to write about with my time at secondary school, but I guess that is living in the past, and I don't want to do that. I know a lot of this probably won't help any of you, and it's more of like a closure thing for me. But at some point if you haven't gone through this chapter yet, you will. And you will know how it feels. My advice, don't wish your childhood away because you only get one. When people say the school years are the best years of your life, I totally agree with them (and that's not because I don't know anything other than school) I actually have had the best 7 years of my life.
You want to know a quote that I feel everyone should go by,
"You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing."
Maybe everyone needs a little laughter in their life, and one wish for all of you, don't wish your life away. Make as many memories as you can while you are at school as they will remain with you for the rest of your life. Life is like a book. You do have a beginning, a middle, and an end. I'm just about starting the middle of my book and I can't wait for what it has to come.
Girl Without A Plan, Making Plans
xoxo
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