Hey There!
So how is everyone doing?? I've been thinking about doing this blog post for a while now, but I guess it as just something I never actually wanted to complete. But now I'm here, writing this post, and hopefully some people will be able to relate.
So when I started university in September, I knew it was going to be a struggle for me. I'm not a very outgoing person, I get nervous talking to new people, so going to a place where I knew absolutely no-one seemed like one of the scariest things in the world. Looking back on it now, I don't really know what I had to worry about. Everyone there was in the same boat, and we are all just stumbling through university. I've realised you need social support. You need people that you can moan to, and go out for lunch with, and just be plain stupid with. And if I'm being honest, I have very few of these people. I mean, I have one person.
All but one of my friends moved away for university, but this last friend works most days now so it's hard to see her. As a group, we haven't necessarily lost contact, but we don't talk as much as we used to. When we are all around we have a really good time, and we do all really miss each other, but I can see now we all have our own separate lives. I miss this contact. Being so far away from everyone at uni, and living just with my parents, they are mostly the only people I talk to now. I miss the friendships I used to have. When people just lived around the corner and I can go and see them whenever. But now, I spend a lot of my time with my own thoughts.
Spending time thinking to myself is not good for me. I went through a tough time a couple of years ago, and last year was tough again. I don't want to burden other people will my problems, so I keep them to myself a lot. I know this isn't a good thing to do. But until the summer, when all my friends come home, it will have to do. I'm not going to tell them my problems, I can push them aside for a couple of months and forget about them. It's not exactly a long-term solution but it gets me through day-to-day. Don't get me wrong, I am a loner. I like spending time on my own and listening to music and watching TV. But I miss being able to go for coffee with friends and actually go out, because that isn't fun to do on my own.
I don't really know why I wrote all this to be honest. I have no idea how much sense any of this made, I just needed to get it off my chest. This is a sort of therapy for me and a way of accepting who I am. And I know that now. I need to use this blog more often. I need to get my thoughts across no matter how small or stupid. I need to just get them out there so I don't self destruct.
Girl Without a Plan, Making Plans
xoxo
